Falling down is what makes getting up all the more sweet

Hey everyone,

Sometimes it's challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel and often when your down its hard to know how or even when you might get up again.

Confidence is all about getting back up again, about stepping into unfamiliar territory where perhaps you aren't so confident and building it up. Getting competent in confidence. It takes time and getting knocked down can really hurt. Confidence isn't something that comes in the mail or something that shows up out of the blue, it's something that takes effort and development and it takes doing something that you aren't so confident in and working at it until you get earn the confidence.

This never rung more true to me than last week. On Friday I went roller skating. Yep you read right, Roller Skating. I haven't ever been roller skating, I went ice skating a few times years ago and failed miserably. Back then I used to think that if I wasn't good at something right away then there was no point continuing.I believed that I should just stick to what I knew and that way there was no chance of getting hurt. Crazy right?

Well maybe not so crazy, so many people wont try something new because they think they'll be no good at it. They stop trying new things in the fear of falling. Of course they won't be any good at it, how can they be? If you have never done something before how on earth can you be good at it. After how many times would you tell a child to just give up trying to walk? Is there a limit to how many times they can fall over before they should give up?

This doesn't seem to enter people's minds though, all that consumes people is the thought of stuffing up, of failing and making a fool of themselves. This keeps people so afraid, it keeps them from getting confident at anything.

When i first put on my four wheeled shoes I admit, I was scared. How on earth can I stand, let alone move when I'm on wheels. This can't be natural I said to myself. I really wanted to do it though, I have watched those graceful skaters and seen how much fun they seem to have and I wanted to be part of it.

I stood up tentatively with my awesome partner standing by me and holding my hand. I very awkwardly skated to the rink and stuck to the wall as I entered the rink. I knew that in order for me to get confident I had to let go, I had to give it my all and embrace the fear of falling over, no matter how much it might hurt.

For the first few minutes Iwent slow, making sure to hold my partners hand. As I kept going I let go of his hand and started off on my own. Sure I was scared, but soon enough I was flying, getting more and more speed and feeling more confident in every stride.

After an hour of beautiful skating I took a break, feeling great and on top of the world, I wanted more, I wanted the rush and went back on the rink for some more skating.

A few laps around tragedy struck, another skater came into the rink without looking and BAM! down I went. Ouch! It hurt and it hurt bad.  I got back up knowing that if I didn't get up now, I probably never would, but I had lost my confidence. I was scared again and now more than ever, I had felt the pain of falling and didn't want to go there again. Within moments I fell again. This time I had to sit down, I had been hit and I was hurting, my pride as much as my knee.

I was tired, I was hurting, I had fallen down and I really didn't want to get back up again. I had to make a decision, I had to decide weather I was going to give up and never get that feeling of flying again or  I could decide to settle into the fear and say no to myself for good.

I knew that if I didn't give it another go then I wouldn't ever and that would mean giving up on myself. I got up and went out there and gave it my all. I embraced the fear and accepted that I might fall and that's OK, because if I didn't fall, I wasn't trying hard enough. I skated better than ever, I got out there and skated faster than ever and this time I didn't fall, not once.

Tonight, I go back out there and do it all again because building confidence is about getting back up, trying again and never giving up.

Keep going everyone, keep getting scared and pushing through it, that's where life begins, at the edge of your comfort zone.

Try something new this weekend and fall over!

K

Is Man Flu for real?

Hello!

The season's are definitely changing here in Melbourne and with every season change comes consequences.

There has been a bit of a bug going around Melbourne and lots of people are very sick with a pretty nasty flu. As I have seen plenty of women and men come down with this, I am struck by the way in which our male counterparts handle their illness. They go down like a tonne of bricks, they are unable to move at all and we as the care givers, we look after them. We on the other hand suck it up and get on with it, sure we are sick but things still need to get done don' they?

I know we laugh and often poke fun at the case of the "man flu" and how we as women think that men seem to overreact; however isn't rest, re cooperation and a lot of lying down exactly what our bodies are asking from us? We get sick because our bodies need rest. It's the last sign that we have been pushing ourselves too hard and it's time to slow down.

As women we keep on going, as if the responsibilities of generations go by still rests on our shoulders. We don't stop very often. We pick our selves up and push right on through, maybe resting for one day rather than a week, " because there is simply too much to do".

I think we should learn something from these "man flu" cases. Is it more that we "under react" to illness rather than men over reacting? Men have no problems putting their needs first, making sure that they are looked after and healthy. They know that if they take the required time it takes to get sick and do it properly, that they will be healthier and stronger to continue to " hunt".  They know that if they go out everyday with very little fuel in the tank, then they will have nothing to give. 

In order to give anything we must first have it. If we do not even give ourselves the time and love to rest and recover when we are suffering physically or emotionally then how on earth do we have it to give to others.

So this got me to thinking about love; about self love and  how it's something that is often considered as arrogant or even something that we should be afraid of expressing. 

Many different spiritual and religious practices state that self pride is something to be avoided. That we must give all of us all of the time.That loving yourself is greedy, self righteous and plain old selfish; and as these beliefs have permeated our society we still tend to believe that self love is something to be ashamed of. 

As women, we have been told for generations to keep quiet, speak only when spoken to, to stay in the background and support our men, our family but never ourselves. We have been bred to nurture and love everyone else around us irrelevant of how we are. 

Have you ever been sick yourself when a loved one is sick and yet their needs seem to come first, always? We look after others first because we love them right? We want to show them how much we care and how much value they hold in our lives.

So what are we saying when we don't look after ourselves? No caring, no value, no love.

Look after yourselves ladies, in all areas of your life. You are valuable, you deserve love and care and the way to generate more of it is to first give it to yourself.

So this weekend, how will you show yourself that you love you? I'd love to hear how you went and what kind of things you have done to show that love to yourself as I'm sure all the other readers would too, so leave a comment!

Happy loving! Katie B

For more of my thoughts check out this free media report.

http://moreconfidence.com.au/free_media_report

You are too fat for summer

The sun is beaming here today in Melbourne as if to say "wake up! Let your light shine and embrace your own inner warmth" of course it could also be saying " it's warming up, it's getting closer to the time when the swim suit will have to come out, seriously; you are way too fat for summer."

You see it's all perception. The beginning of good weather, for a lot of people marks fun, the beach, long days and hot nights where everything feels just great. For a lot of other people out there, it's a time to be reminded how inadequate we are as we see shorts getting shorter and bikini's galore. We reveal our legs for the first time in months only to feel far too pale. We see summer as either a time to show off our bodies and tans or we shy away from the thought of revealing our pasty not so perfect bodies.

The pressure really starts to build at this time of year for many women. Gym memberships go through the roof and people are frantic to get "ready for summer". What exactly does that mean? We all of a sudden have to change ourselves simply because the season changes. Doesn't this seem a little odd? All of a sudden the razors come out a little more frequently, the spray tan shows it head and most of the world goes on a diet in persual of "getting the beach body" in time for summer.

Sure it's motivation, but it's not inspiration. External circumstances are causing us to shift, not an inner knowing that makes us want to be healthy for life rather than just for the warmer months. When we focus on externals to get us moving, it will always fail and with it failing it leads us to feel even more inadequate and with less money in our pockets then we were at the start of summer.

So I ask of you, as we enter into another beautiful Australian summer, look after yourselves, always not just for summer. If you show yourself love and acceptance all year around, then the seasons will do little to shake you. The fear will subside and shopping for a new swimsuit will be all the more easier when you realise that you are so beautiful right now. Even if you know that you haven't been looking after yourself as much as you could have; know that everyone on the beach is just as conscious as you are and they are more worried about themselves than you!

Love yourself for who you are and re frame your thinking when trying on your summer clothes for example; Your white skin needn't be something to be ashamed of, rather it should be cherished for you have kept your skin precious and out of the sun. If you're worried about your body, re frame it to perhaps mean that you have a fully functional body and are grateful to have access and funds to buy swimmers and go to the beach.

There is always a different way to see yourself and your body.

What are you choosing?

Enjoy all of you.

Cheers K

Get a copy of your free report " Screw what the media says, I'm perfect just the way I am" here at

http://moreconfidence.com.au/free_media_report

Mum, mum, pass the spray tan

Happy Thursday readers,

Tomorrow I'm off to assist in transforming the lives of 26 people about to embark in a course that will change their life and subsequently the lives of those who they touch, just like I did less than 12 short months ago. Getting into the business of transforming lives is both rewarding and at times heart breaking as I'm constantly looking for errors in our human ways in order to create opportunities to help the planet change.

My partner came home from working the other day and explained to me a horrifying image of something he witnessed at a customers house. He saw a mother and her 7 year old daughter sitting at the kitchen table seemingly spending some quality time together. What he soon realised was that the young girl was actually getting prepared for the warmer months by spraying her self with artificial tan. Sheesh!

If any of you have pay TV you may be aware of a show affectionately known as Toddlers and Tiara's. This show is an American program that follows the child pageant circuit and all it entails. You see girls as young as 6 months old getting their make up done and dressed up like a doll that we used to play with. You will also be privy to little girls with spray tans, hair pieces, sexy outfits accompanied by dance routines and false teeth; no one likes to see gappy teeth in a growing child do they?

These girls are paraded like show dogs around the platform and are judged on categories such as who is the prettiest and who has the best dress on. At no point does the girl get to show her value on who she is and girls will actually be penalised and lose points if they look too natural.

Is this a sport? Is this a way for the normally overweight mothers to play "dolls" and relive their childhood through their daughters? What on earth are these young girls learning? How much value is actually being placed on their identity, creativity, non pageant talents, knowledge, personality and values. These girls are getting brought up to believe that this is all there is, that beauty is all that makes up a person.

Between the ages of 0-7 is know as the imprint period and it's a time in a child's development where they absorb everything so they can create meaning to the world. This is where all our initial learning of the world and who we are comes from, this is an extremely delicate period of time in any one's development. 

Can anyone remember a memory of that time where you made a decision about something, someone or even yourself. Do you see that unless you have consciously changed it then you still hold that view? For all you parents out there; relax, these beliefs can be changed.

Even more concerning is that between the ages of 8-15 is the modelling period where we follow idols, mentors, hero's, celebrities and role models. 

So if  in the first 15 years of life the young girls like those in Toddlers and Tiara's ( and millions more) are building beliefs based on superficiality and modelling the likes of celebrities or even worse still the girls that came before them, what hope do those poor girls have at a confident and self assured future.

The way the young girls are being raised is more than disgusting, it's child abuse.

Protect their future by making sure you are comfortable and confident in your own skin, so we can show the women of tomorrow what real women are.

Cheers K

For more of my views on confidence and image. Follow this link to your free report: Screw what the media says, I'm perfect just the way I am. 

http://moreconfidence.com.au/free_media_report

If you are not slim, pretty and popular then you don't deserve confidence

Well that’s what the media seems to be portraying these days. Female celebrities are attacked and criticised for not being real and displaying a false sense of being, but two pages later there 

are pictures of them without make up on looking like hell and made to feel awful about it.

So what is the media saying? Be yourself but only if you are slim, pretty and popular and even if you are slim, pretty and popular that these conditions are subject to public approval and commentary. As though in order to be liked and valued within society then it should appear that you are real, honest and ok with being who you are, providing that we don’t see your blemishes, cellulite and what you look like first thing in the morning without make up on. That you should only show your vulnerability on the inside and cover up how you really feel.

For too long we have listened to the standards of other people. We have been fed rubbish through the media that portrays the popular girls as the prettiest one, too bad for all of us regular looking ones. Scientific studies have shown that we actually believe someone who is better looking to be more trustworthy, more intelligent and have more talents than their not so good looking counterpart. Can you believe that?! We actually value them higher based on what they look like. Let’s be honest we all judge a book by a cover to some degree, this keeps us safe and serves as a warning if used correctly. The only problem that this poses is the underlying blanket belief around beauty. Beauty= Importance

Does that then mean that simply because you are better looking by our society’s standards that you should automatically feel good about yourself? That you should only walk with confidence and feel great about who you are if you fit perfectly into the box?  I remember a comment on a reality TV show years ago made by a guy that went something along the lines of “she is one of those fat confident chicks, she shouldn’t have confidence”, as though she didn’t deserve to love who she is. This mindset is staggering and I see evidence of it all the time. On a plane returning from Sydney just the other day, I watched a group of young men in their mid 20’s ogle over the very slim and pretty flight attendant. They made comments and stared at her, both of which I could see made her very uncomfortable. She lost confidence when they treated her that way and I could see how another “not so pretty” girl watching that, could feel less than worthy because of their behaviour towards her. They would have moved mountains for her, but there was no way they would even help me get my bag down from the overhead compartment. The parody of this is that through them placing value solely on what she looks likes made not only her lack 

confidence but those around her too.

This lesson tells us that we need to stop placing value on the physical and start to really value who each other are and what we stand for. Everyone deserves to feel great about who they are, 

not just the “pretty” people. Beauty fades, who you are should never.

I’d love to hear about your experiences of being judged based on what you look like and how that has affected your confidence.

Have a great week

Katie