In the personal development world the term “backing yourself”
gets throw around a lot. People are referring to the need to believe in
yourself, to have confidence and to bet on your own success.
It’s seems an easy enough thing to talk about, all you need
to do is believe in yourself; the gurus make it seem so simple. When you go to
apply for your new job, start out dating again or decide it’s time for you, why
don’t you just take a deep breath and believe in yourself?
Like many things, it’s easier said than done. When we have
been conditioned to think poorly of ourselves and had reinforcement to back up
those beliefs, it can be extremely challenging to step up to the plate.
You’ve been running the story over and over in your head
about why you can’t, why someone else will probably get the job and how nothing
you do is ever enough.
Perhaps you’ve read self-help books, done some courses in
assertiveness and tried your best to build yourself up but it is short lived,
you feel pumped up for a little while only to find yourself crashing back down
again; perhaps this time even lower than you were before. Like yo-yo dieting
for your self-worth.
You feel depleted and lost, unsure of where to next because
you’ve failed to believe in yourself; AGAIN!
When you’re trapped in this cycle, all the positive things
that happen in your life are put down to luck and all the negative things are
your fault. As if there is some inherent gap deep within you that means that
you are to blame. When you blame yourself, you are giving your power to the
circumstances, to your past and to the result.
You’re disempowered and here’s what you’re not being told.
You think you’re busy
taking so much responsibility for all the troubles in your life by beating
yourself up and blaming yourself but the truth is, you’re obedient. You are
pleasing everyone else around you and playing by their rules, not your own and you’re
not taking any true responsibility for your life, you’re avoiding it and keeping
yourself small.
You’re giving away your power by allowing others to take
credit for your success and bearing the burden of all your troubles. It’s time
to grow up- yeah, I just said that. GROW UP.
If the problems in your life are your “fault” then so is your
success. It’s time to suck it up and own all of your results in life. Even the little voice inside your head that’s
whingeing right now says “but how?”- own that.
True responsibility is about owning your life. No one is
making you stay in that shitty job. No one is forcing you to live a mediocre
life. In the same vein, no one else is creating the opportunities that are
appearing- that’s you.
It’s time that we stopped acting like children and decide to
take responsibility for our lives; for the wins and the lessons. It’s all
yours.
Believing in yourself, backing yourself and having great confidence begins when you decide
to stop lying to yourself and own the fact that this is your life. Whether you
like it or not, you got yourself here and it’s up to you to change it if it’s
not working for you.
Get help, take ownership and start living life by your
rules. Screw obedience, take responsibility.
Much love and happy self -loving
