Hi Ladies,
It's great to hear the positive feedback surrounding this blog and I encourage you to follow along and share it with your friends, family and work colleagues.
What is it about Australia that has us feeling so ashamed of our bodies? The same rings true in America, do we just follow suit?
A lovely comment was left on my Facebook this week in regards to Europe and their view on bodies. I have had similar experiences in Europe and found their view liberating, unlike the conservative Australians.
I know that Aussies like to think of themselves as laid back and easy going, however I really must disagree. I spent 2 years travelling Europe a couple of years ago and never had a felt more accepted, happier about my body and all round confident in who I was. I found that in Europe anything goes, their attitudes are one of a true relaxed culture of acceptance and free spirits.
Perhaps they have had to fight for their identities, perhaps each country struggled so hard to fight for their land and country, that they don;t sweat the small stuff anymore. Anyone who has ever been travelling in Europe in the summer would agree that on most beaches almost everywhere in Europe it is 100% totally acceptable to go topless. There is no shame, no laughter and certainly no inhibitions. Women of all shapes and sizes don a bikini and hit the beach often without a top on.
Women in Europe embrace their curves, age and sexuality. On a beach in Europe you will see tall, short, slim, curvy, overweight, healthy, aged, young all in their swimwear enjoying the beach and the sun, there simply does not seem to be a criteria for how a woman "should" look in order to enjoy the beach and swim wear.
In many parts of Europe there are public baths, in Istanbul, Turkey myself and a friend went along to a very famous public bath where you are literally washed by another woman. This isn't considered dirty, weird or even sexual. Before times of bathing facilities in homes, people would go once or twice a week to a public bath, where they would strip down and enjoy a day or half day having a bath and socialising with many different other women. Men did it to, in separate "bath houses" of course.
I entered the bath with a little nervous trepidation, however I loved the liberation of just being me and being ok with that. Letting it literally all hang loose and seeing other women just like me doing the same.
In Australia, we tend to see nudity as either sexual or dirty, as if our beautiful bodies should be hidden away. What message is that teaching the next generations? What are our daughters learning about their bodies? That to be nude is either something to be ashamed of or only used in a context of sex. When will be wake up and realise that it's how we were born. There were no clothes on us when we came out.
I understand that for society to function and for hygiene purposes, we must wear clothes, however isn't it time that we dropped the over sexualisation of nudity and simply embraced our bodies whole and completely. It's not about sex or exhibition, it's about acceptance and comfortability.
Since returning to Australia I have found it so much more judgemental, we have a status quo and people are expected to meet it stringently and if you fall below it or rise above it then you are put down and considered a weirdo or a bum.
Embrace your body, embrace your sexuality. Just because you love your body does not mean your arrogant, up your self or a slut. It simply means that you have the guts to love who you are inside and out, no matter what. Be the change you wish to see, if more woman embrace this and release their inner shine then that in turns gives more women permission to do the same.
So, spend some time in the nude in your house from time to time, get to love your body in the way that it was intended form, natural!
Have an amazing weekend and I look forward to chatting with you on Facebook, here on the blog or you can visit my site for your FREE "7 Steps to Shine and have ultimate confidence CD".
Katie Blewitt- The Confidence Coach
www.moreconfidence.com.au
Friday, 29 July 2011
Monday, 25 July 2011
You are the master- 7 ways to build your confidence
Happy Monday people,
How was your weekend? Did you shy away again this weekend or perhaps got that all too familiar feeling of waking up in a house that you now wish you hadn't? Or did you have a blast, loving every moment of your time off?
A lack of confidence comes in all shapes and sizes and as I said in my last blog, often the bitchiest girls or the most arrogant guys are really the ones lacking in the most confidence.
I want you to think of that really pretty girl at school, the one who stood out from the crowd, seemed to have all the luck, talent and skills. The one that perhaps you and all your friends bitched about because you knew that she had it better than you and if she had it better than you then it was ok to put her down because you can, you did and it was seen as ok. You made this mean that she had everything and that makes it alright. Perhaps she was your friend. Perhaps it was you.
Often the "prettiest" girl in school is the one with the lowest self esteem. She has only ever been valued for what she looks like. Men have only ever come to her because of her beauty and never were truly interested in what she had to say, in fact they didn't even think she had anything to say. Aren't we all guilty of this at times?
Believing that because someone has the looks then they must be dumb? Blonde Bimbo comes to mind there. We perhaps feel the inherent need to find flaws in the good looking ones, thinking that anyone that good looking must be dumb, otherwise that would be unfair, right?
I want you for just a moment imagine being that person, only ever being judged for the outside and never valued for who you are, what you stand for and what you think. Imagine that. Society thinks your nothing but a pretty face. True self worth comes from the inside. In our society beautiful people aren't valued for who they are, so what are we teaching ourselves? That beauty is all that counts? That looks are all that matters. Isn't that what celebrity magazines are all about? Showing us that looks, body shape and how much we weigh is what's important.
As long as you believe that your self worth is based on what you look like, you will always be a victim of low self esteem. You can change this and if you do change it now then you will become happier healthier and a better example for those around you.
So the first way to build your confidence is:
1.) Start a journal and write down at least 1 thing you love about who you are everyday. When this becomes easy, increase it to 2, 3,4 etc and keep going, there is no limit. Qualities could include kind, honest, nice, caring, funny, good friend. Get creative and get practising
2.) Model excellence. Find someone you know who you believe has great self esteem, they are confident in who they are and just be themselves all the time. Model the parts of their behaviour and thinking that have made them so successful in confidence.
3.) Notice the kind of language you use about yourself. Do you put yourself down often, even as a joke? If so, stop! Be kind to yourself.
4.) Practise accepting compliments. Think about it, when you compliment someone, do you mean it? Yes you do. So when someone compliments you, they mean it. Smile and say thank you every time. Practice makes perfect.
5.) Find out what you value in others. If all you value in your friends or colleagues is what they look like or what they are dressed in, then perhaps take a look around you and see that they probably value you in the same way. Is what you look like all you are?
6.) Reduce judgement. We all do it, we all have had a moment or many moments where we poorly judge others. When we judge another we are really judging ourselves. Accept people for who they are and you will accept yourself.
7.) Write a list of all the cool things you want to be. What kind of qualities in others do you aspire for? Write them down and get clear on them. If you are a long way off, then start practising. If you want the world to be a kinder place, practice one act of kindness every day and see what happens, you'll be surprised.
You are perfect, whole and complete just the way you are, all you need to do is remember that.
Please feel free to leave comments and be sure to share this with your friends if you think they could use some tips on how to be more confident.
Have a great week!
Friday, 15 July 2011
Confidence and the top 5 mistakes people make when trying to get it.
So what is confidence?
Over the last week, I have challenged members of the Facebook public on their views surrounding the confidence of celebrities, namely Lady Gaga.
What I have discovered is that many people feel strongly about what it takes to just be yourself and weather or not the likes of Lady Gaga is truly her or a front to overcome her years of torment and bullying through school. People have stated that it doesn't matter what you do to feel confident as long as you love yourself. Others have disagreed, stating that "over confidence" is simply to mask the underlying fear of not knowing who you are or not feeling exactly comfortable with that.
Many people use masks, true. We don't always feel amazing every day when we show up to work or an event, yet we act as if everything is fine. Someone might ask us how we are and we will reply with "fine" or even "good thanks". Our everyday society allows for this, we don't really want to know how people are feeling most of the time, because often we are wearing a mask ourselves. People who lack in confidence do this as well, so is it a confidence mask or simply a polite mask?
So when does the mask of confidence become a lie? Is faking it till you make a sustainable way of survival?
My short answer is no. I once believed that faking it until you made it was a great way to become confident and self assured. Unfortunately after years of faking it, no strategies or development was done in order to convert that falsity into actual confidence. If you were to fake being a pilot for 5 years and knew exactly what you were meant to say and do to appear like a pilot, would you then be able to fly a plane? No. The knowledge, practice and systems have not been taught, leaving you feeling like a fraud and in fact you would be.
To be a truly confident individual we must work the muscle. We all have confidence within us, it is there and we can access it, most of us simply don't know how to. Ever done a workout or taken part of an obscure activity causing you to use different muscles? Afterwards you swear that you have hurt in places that you never knew existed? That's right, we all have "muscles" that we don't know exist and it's not until we work them that it becomes apparent that we have them.
So if everyone already has confidence within them then why do so many people sit at home on the weekend eating popcorn and wishing that somehow they were different? Here are the top 5 mistakes people make when trying to build confidence.
1.) Giving up to easily
Just like those new muscles being worked, when you first start it can be uncomfortable, overwhelming or even frightneing. Many people see these as "signs" that maybe they aren't good enough or they shouldn't go for it and they give up. Persistence in the face of fear will get you past it and beyond it. You do not know what you are truly made of until you are pushed. Push Yourself!!
2.) Faking it for too long
Using "dutch" courage or other methods to fake your confidence can work and does work for a lot of people. It is not sustainable. If you use alcohol to feel good about yourself , then aren't you really telling yourself that you need to be someone else to be liked by not only everyone else but more importantly yourself? That who you are without it isn't good enough? Imagine how quiet a nightclub would be if no one was drinking? Imagine how many people would love to be up on that dance floor but feel as though they can't until they have an excuse? Being the one who throws their inhibition out the window without the alcohol and gets dancing will liberate others to do the same. Be the change you wish to see.
3.) Relying on others
Many people base their self esteem and worth on what other people think of them. They rely soley on their feedback from others and because it's impossible to satisfy everyone, they constantly change who they are to accomodate whoever they are with. We all put on different hats in different situations, as every part of us is not always appropriate. Telling your boss your most intimate sexual desires may not be what he needs to know. It does not mean that you are hiding it, it simply means that you choose which parts of you, you wish to share. Ladies with low self esteem often fall into the trap of seeking male attention to boost their confidence, only to wake up the next day feeling worse. Respect yourself and others will too.
4.) Going overboard
People see confidence in others and try to model it and that's a great method. Where they go wrong is going over board. They become so in your face that every body knows it a mask and the person becomes disliked by those around them, then staying true to mistake no. 3, they rely on others and end up feeling awful about themselves even more. They can be seen as super arrogant, up themselves or a real bitch.
5.) Assumption
I often get asked why some people were born with confidence whilst others weren't. As if it was genetically decided that way, like why do some people have green eyes and other blue. Confidence comes with practice. It's not given to you one day and all of a sudden you are confident. It takes willingness to learn and stretch your comfort zone, persistence and most of all a huge "why". Why do you want confidence? Is it because you know you have so much potential inside you and you just wish you could get it out? You know how much you have to give, but your shyness keeps you stuck. Once you have a big enough why, the how will look after itself.
You don't all of a sudden "get" confidence. You build it through giving it a shot, by putting yourself out there and challenging what you already know.
Be sure to get involved in my Facebook conversations and check out my website too.
I'll be back next week with " You are the master- 7 ways to build confidence"
moreconfidence.com.au
Over the last week, I have challenged members of the Facebook public on their views surrounding the confidence of celebrities, namely Lady Gaga.
What I have discovered is that many people feel strongly about what it takes to just be yourself and weather or not the likes of Lady Gaga is truly her or a front to overcome her years of torment and bullying through school. People have stated that it doesn't matter what you do to feel confident as long as you love yourself. Others have disagreed, stating that "over confidence" is simply to mask the underlying fear of not knowing who you are or not feeling exactly comfortable with that.
Many people use masks, true. We don't always feel amazing every day when we show up to work or an event, yet we act as if everything is fine. Someone might ask us how we are and we will reply with "fine" or even "good thanks". Our everyday society allows for this, we don't really want to know how people are feeling most of the time, because often we are wearing a mask ourselves. People who lack in confidence do this as well, so is it a confidence mask or simply a polite mask?
So when does the mask of confidence become a lie? Is faking it till you make a sustainable way of survival?
My short answer is no. I once believed that faking it until you made it was a great way to become confident and self assured. Unfortunately after years of faking it, no strategies or development was done in order to convert that falsity into actual confidence. If you were to fake being a pilot for 5 years and knew exactly what you were meant to say and do to appear like a pilot, would you then be able to fly a plane? No. The knowledge, practice and systems have not been taught, leaving you feeling like a fraud and in fact you would be.
To be a truly confident individual we must work the muscle. We all have confidence within us, it is there and we can access it, most of us simply don't know how to. Ever done a workout or taken part of an obscure activity causing you to use different muscles? Afterwards you swear that you have hurt in places that you never knew existed? That's right, we all have "muscles" that we don't know exist and it's not until we work them that it becomes apparent that we have them.
So if everyone already has confidence within them then why do so many people sit at home on the weekend eating popcorn and wishing that somehow they were different? Here are the top 5 mistakes people make when trying to build confidence.
1.) Giving up to easily
Just like those new muscles being worked, when you first start it can be uncomfortable, overwhelming or even frightneing. Many people see these as "signs" that maybe they aren't good enough or they shouldn't go for it and they give up. Persistence in the face of fear will get you past it and beyond it. You do not know what you are truly made of until you are pushed. Push Yourself!!
2.) Faking it for too long
Using "dutch" courage or other methods to fake your confidence can work and does work for a lot of people. It is not sustainable. If you use alcohol to feel good about yourself , then aren't you really telling yourself that you need to be someone else to be liked by not only everyone else but more importantly yourself? That who you are without it isn't good enough? Imagine how quiet a nightclub would be if no one was drinking? Imagine how many people would love to be up on that dance floor but feel as though they can't until they have an excuse? Being the one who throws their inhibition out the window without the alcohol and gets dancing will liberate others to do the same. Be the change you wish to see.
3.) Relying on others
Many people base their self esteem and worth on what other people think of them. They rely soley on their feedback from others and because it's impossible to satisfy everyone, they constantly change who they are to accomodate whoever they are with. We all put on different hats in different situations, as every part of us is not always appropriate. Telling your boss your most intimate sexual desires may not be what he needs to know. It does not mean that you are hiding it, it simply means that you choose which parts of you, you wish to share. Ladies with low self esteem often fall into the trap of seeking male attention to boost their confidence, only to wake up the next day feeling worse. Respect yourself and others will too.
4.) Going overboard
People see confidence in others and try to model it and that's a great method. Where they go wrong is going over board. They become so in your face that every body knows it a mask and the person becomes disliked by those around them, then staying true to mistake no. 3, they rely on others and end up feeling awful about themselves even more. They can be seen as super arrogant, up themselves or a real bitch.
5.) Assumption
I often get asked why some people were born with confidence whilst others weren't. As if it was genetically decided that way, like why do some people have green eyes and other blue. Confidence comes with practice. It's not given to you one day and all of a sudden you are confident. It takes willingness to learn and stretch your comfort zone, persistence and most of all a huge "why". Why do you want confidence? Is it because you know you have so much potential inside you and you just wish you could get it out? You know how much you have to give, but your shyness keeps you stuck. Once you have a big enough why, the how will look after itself.
You don't all of a sudden "get" confidence. You build it through giving it a shot, by putting yourself out there and challenging what you already know.
Be sure to get involved in my Facebook conversations and check out my website too.
I'll be back next week with " You are the master- 7 ways to build confidence"
moreconfidence.com.au
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