How was your weekend? Did you shy away again this weekend or perhaps got that all too familiar feeling of waking up in a house that you now wish you hadn't? Or did you have a blast, loving every moment of your time off?
A lack of confidence comes in all shapes and sizes and as I said in my last blog, often the bitchiest girls or the most arrogant guys are really the ones lacking in the most confidence.
I want you to think of that really pretty girl at school, the one who stood out from the crowd, seemed to have all the luck, talent and skills. The one that perhaps you and all your friends bitched about because you knew that she had it better than you and if she had it better than you then it was ok to put her down because you can, you did and it was seen as ok. You made this mean that she had everything and that makes it alright. Perhaps she was your friend. Perhaps it was you.
Often the "prettiest" girl in school is the one with the lowest self esteem. She has only ever been valued for what she looks like. Men have only ever come to her because of her beauty and never were truly interested in what she had to say, in fact they didn't even think she had anything to say. Aren't we all guilty of this at times?
Believing that because someone has the looks then they must be dumb? Blonde Bimbo comes to mind there. We perhaps feel the inherent need to find flaws in the good looking ones, thinking that anyone that good looking must be dumb, otherwise that would be unfair, right?
I want you for just a moment imagine being that person, only ever being judged for the outside and never valued for who you are, what you stand for and what you think. Imagine that. Society thinks your nothing but a pretty face. True self worth comes from the inside. In our society beautiful people aren't valued for who they are, so what are we teaching ourselves? That beauty is all that counts? That looks are all that matters. Isn't that what celebrity magazines are all about? Showing us that looks, body shape and how much we weigh is what's important.
As long as you believe that your self worth is based on what you look like, you will always be a victim of low self esteem. You can change this and if you do change it now then you will become happier healthier and a better example for those around you.
So the first way to build your confidence is:
1.) Start a journal and write down at least 1 thing you love about who you are everyday. When this becomes easy, increase it to 2, 3,4 etc and keep going, there is no limit. Qualities could include kind, honest, nice, caring, funny, good friend. Get creative and get practising
2.) Model excellence. Find someone you know who you believe has great self esteem, they are confident in who they are and just be themselves all the time. Model the parts of their behaviour and thinking that have made them so successful in confidence.
3.) Notice the kind of language you use about yourself. Do you put yourself down often, even as a joke? If so, stop! Be kind to yourself.
4.) Practise accepting compliments. Think about it, when you compliment someone, do you mean it? Yes you do. So when someone compliments you, they mean it. Smile and say thank you every time. Practice makes perfect.
5.) Find out what you value in others. If all you value in your friends or colleagues is what they look like or what they are dressed in, then perhaps take a look around you and see that they probably value you in the same way. Is what you look like all you are?
6.) Reduce judgement. We all do it, we all have had a moment or many moments where we poorly judge others. When we judge another we are really judging ourselves. Accept people for who they are and you will accept yourself.
7.) Write a list of all the cool things you want to be. What kind of qualities in others do you aspire for? Write them down and get clear on them. If you are a long way off, then start practising. If you want the world to be a kinder place, practice one act of kindness every day and see what happens, you'll be surprised.
You are perfect, whole and complete just the way you are, all you need to do is remember that.
Please feel free to leave comments and be sure to share this with your friends if you think they could use some tips on how to be more confident.
Have a great week!
1 comment:
Another great (and accurate) blog Katie. Well done.
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