I used to be a bitch.
Straight out- I was a mean girl. My insecurities and lack of self-worth
resulted in me transferring my own self judgement onto others.
I grew up surrounded by men
and patriarchal misogynistic men at that. Women were less than men, they were
objects and their bodies were open for opinion. I learnt quickly that to
survive in this world that I would need to see the world the same way that they
do or become a victim of it.
I’ve been that woman who puts
down other women. I used to pride myself on not being like “typical” women. I
would shame women to men about being needy, controlling or emotional. I would
criticise what they were wearing, if their behaviour was appropriate or not and
if I thought they were “easy” or a “prick tease”.
Last week I was reminded of who I used to be as I attended
an ice hockey game between Canada and the USA. Apart from me having a hell of a
time yelling and screaming in a way that is only really socially appropriate
at sporting games, I happened to sit next to two well presented women and out
of sheer proximity I was privy to their conversations.
Mostly, I tuned them out as
I was more interested in the game and the company that I was with, however during one of the breaks, I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. It
went a little something like this:
Person 1: Have you seen her
lately?
Person 2: Yeah, I saw her
last week. She was wearing those shorts again-ergh!
P1: Really? Yuck, she really
shouldn’t wear them. She has huge thighs and tonnes of cellulite
P2: I know! She just swans
around in them as if she thinks no one notices. She’s really got to stop
P1: I mean, I’m all in for
body positivity but she takes it too far- it’s disgusting.
At this point I tuned out, I
had to. In order to not cause an outright riot and fly off the handle , I kept
my thoughts to myself. I was hurt, upset and disgusted.
I was upset for their “friend”
who clearly wouldn’t know what was being said behind her back. I was
saddened for these two women who felt the need to speak so venomously about
someone that they care about. Most of all, I felt for us as women.
All the old feelings of inadequacy
came rushing back. Right here next to me was proof that people do judge and
more often than not they are the people that we call friends. I recall having
similar conversations about my friends in years gone by and how desperate I was
to feel like I belonged- oh the irony.
I put down others to make myself
feel better- the ultimate bully has insufferable low esteem. As someone who now
loves themselves, has great self esteem and works hard to see all people as
whole and complete, the conversation I overheard was heart breaking.
We have had to fight for
every right we have, our bodies are compared against a computer program and we
are still treated like ornaments by many people around the world.
Yet here we are, fighting
each other. Putting ourselves down and shaming our own. Haven’t we been through
enough? Don’t we get enough shaming from the media without us throwing in some
more of our own?
I know why they felt the
need to say what they did. I understand the feelings of being threatened and therefore
climbing on top of others to bring themselves back up but it still makes me
sad.
I set a challenged for you.
I challenge you to stop the bitching, stop the judging and stop the shaming. We
have all done this and like these women, you may not even be aware that you do
it. If you have time to judge then you don’t have time to love.
Self-love starts from within,
there is no doubt about it. If you are judging others and putting them down (
even in your head) then you are walking down a very slippery slope.
Every time you judge someone
else, you are judging yourself. Choose your thoughts and words wisely.
Let’s lift each other up and
show ourselves how magnificent we truly are.
Love Katie Nicole
x
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