Talent without self-belief is useless

When gunning for a promotion, going after your dream partner, pursuing your dreams, applying for jobs or even simply navigating through life; too many of us assume that we need to have talent in order to move forward.

Sure, if you want to play professional sports, you’ll need a certain level of talent in order to even get a look in but even if you have all the talent in the world and you don’t believe in yourself, you will never reach the kind of heights that you are capable of.

Self-belief will trump talent in the long run. Those with self-belief will push harder, do what it takes and will always get back up when they’re knocked down. Plus, they get knocked down many more times than those who lack self-belief because they are constantly putting themselves out there.

The difference between the “self-believers” and the “non- believers” is pretty simply. Those that believe, think that they are already capable or they will always find a way to figure it out. Those that don’t will always find an excuse as to why it’s too hard and there are too many obstacles in place.

Self- believers see obstacles as a sign that they are getting closer, the more obstacles that are thrown their way, the more compelled they get to keep pushing forward.

As a reformed non- believer myself, I used to see obstacles as finish lines; they were there to “warn” me to turn back and to remain safe. If I ever did put myself out there and inevitably got knocked down, I took it to mean that the world is harsh and scary and I ought to get back into my little hole.

“The problem with our safe little holes is that we only attract more darkness when we are there. The hole will inevitably get smaller as our fear and doubt increase. We become locked in our own minds and feel stuck without a way out.”

Eventually something external happens, if you’re lucky it will be something small like a mild illness. If you’ve been ignoring all the alarm bells then you’re more likely to get a bigger wakeup call; death of a loved one, serious illness, eviction, divorce etc.

Life keeps teaching us the same lessons until we learn from it. The self-believers know this. They know that with each “failure” comes a valuable lesson and that if they learn from it, they will be even more resilient, powerful and their confidence will deepen.

Don’t let your own innate talent die inside of you. We all have talent; talent that is unique to each of us. No one speaks like you do, they can’t dance the way you do or parent the way you can. Yes, every one of us is unique just like everyone else and that’s what makes self-belief so critical.

Your light is waiting for you. Start to recognise that without self-belief you will forever be stuck, learn what you need to in order to change it and make a difference in your world.

Live the best version of you and become a self-believer!

Happy self-loving

Katie Nicole

Is a fear of failure holding you back?

As a child, I learnt that if you couldn’t do something right the first time, then there was no point doing it at all. As Homer says to Bart in an episode of the Simpsons after a failed attempt at a goal

“What’s the lesson here boy?  Never try”.

So I did just that, I stopped trying. If I knew that I could do it and be relatively successful at it, then I would give it a go. Things like peer support programs in school, drama and public speaking; I knew that I had a natural propensity towards these things so I did them more. I would confidently conquer activities and “challenges” that weren’t really a stretch for me.

I vehemently avoided things I wasn’t great at, for fear of looking stupid and failing. Even things that I really wanted to do like ice skating, I avoided so I didn’t have to fall and make a fool of myself.

It became an identity belief, the act of failing was not simply a behaviour but was a personality trait; a part of who I was. Failing = being a failure.

I trudged along like this for years, wondering why I felt so unfulfilled. To the outside world I was at times outrageous; skydiving, travelling the world alone, pursuing reality TV shows, moving interstate and talking easily to strangers. I displayed many characteristics of someone who was “out there” but the truth was that it was all within a comfort level I could handle.

The outcomes were predictable; they were open ended so that failure was not so obvious. These experiences rarely put me at risk of being a failure and as a result I was able to avoid what I really wanted to go after in life. I didn’t have to face the stark reality that I might not be good enough for what I really wanted.

Cue 2011; I fell in love with coaching and personal development. I began to learn that there is no failure only feedback, that if it (whatever it was) easy then everyone would be doing it, that you must fall down in order to learn how to get back up. These were all great sayings and intellectually I could rattle them off as philosophic meanderings; but I didn’t really believe it, deep down failing still meant that I was a failure.

Until as a 28 year old I decided to learn to roller skate, something that I had been scared to do my whole life. One of those things that I had desperately wanted to be able to do but was too terrified of looking like a knob. The coaching had propelled me to want to push myself, to really put myself out there and begin to put what I was learning into practice.

Clearly I really wanted to learn the lesson because not only did I embark on learning to roller skate but I decided I would play the all-female full contact sport of Roller Derby. I would have to learn how to run, jump, weave, skate backwards, turn from front to back, take a hit and give one all whilst skating within a 10 foot pack of 9 other skaters.

For years I cried- a lot! I fell down so many times that I was more familiar with the ground than the bottom of my skates. I broke both of my wrists in the first few months and had bi knee surgeries in years to come. Those first few years were both heaven and hell. I had to fall on repeat to learn how to turn around, to stop, to weave. 

Many a trainings I stood face to face with my partner with horrible thoughts going around in my head because I felt like such a failure. I couldn’t do it right away so therefore I was doomed.

I cried because I thought I would never improve. I cried because “everyone” was better than me or progressing faster. I cried because I broke bones. I cried because squatting for 2 hours hurts. I cried because I wanted it so badly that I had to face my own limits in order to overcome them.

With my partner as my coach, I kept getting up and at times I was literally getting knocked down by other people. I had to learn how to get up fast and move on even faster in fear that someone might hit me again. I became agile, resilient and conditioned to failing.

I soon found out that in order to learn the new skill, I would need to fuck it up sometimes hundreds of times before I got it right but when I finally did the thing, it was the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I had ever experienced.

Playing it safe all those years and fearing looking like an idiot had severely limited the depth of my life. I was unable to grow and my self-belief was in the shitter. I had never done anything that created any kind of reference points of success and as a result had nothing to work with.

I learnt how to skate, I learnt how to play roller derby but most importantly I learnt that:

“If you’re not falling over, then you’re not trying hard enough”

Get out there and fail. You only become a failure if you decide to take on that identity. Ultimately, success is the sum of tonnes of failures, each taking you a fraction of a step closer to your goals- without it; you’ll forever stay safe and unfulfilled.

Allow failure, adversity and pain to become your best friend and your greatest ally.

Love,  

Katie Nicole

The truth about confidence that you probably don't want to hear

In the personal development world the term “backing yourself” gets throw around a lot. People are referring to the need to believe in yourself, to have confidence and to bet on your own success.

It’s seems an easy enough thing to talk about, all you need to do is believe in yourself; the gurus make it seem so simple. When you go to apply for your new job, start out dating again or decide it’s time for you, why don’t you just take a deep breath and believe in yourself?

Like many things, it’s easier said than done. When we have been conditioned to think poorly of ourselves and had reinforcement to back up those beliefs, it can be extremely challenging to step up to the plate.

You’ve been running the story over and over in your head about why you can’t, why someone else will probably get the job and how nothing you do is ever enough.

Perhaps you’ve read self-help books, done some courses in assertiveness and tried your best to build yourself up but it is short lived, you feel pumped up for a little while only to find yourself crashing back down again; perhaps this time even lower than you were before. Like yo-yo dieting for your self-worth.

You feel depleted and lost, unsure of where to next because you’ve failed to believe in yourself; AGAIN!

When you’re trapped in this cycle, all the positive things that happen in your life are put down to luck and all the negative things are your fault. As if there is some inherent gap deep within you that means that you are to blame. When you blame yourself, you are giving your power to the circumstances, to your past and to the result.

You’re disempowered and here’s what you’re not being told.

 You think you’re busy taking so much responsibility for all the troubles in your life by beating yourself up and blaming yourself but the truth is, you’re obedient. You are pleasing everyone else around you and playing by their rules, not your own and you’re not taking any true responsibility for your life, you’re avoiding it and keeping yourself small.

You’re giving away your power by allowing others to take credit for your success and bearing the burden of all your troubles. It’s time to grow up- yeah, I just said that. GROW UP.

If the problems in your life are your “fault” then so is your success. It’s time to suck it up and own all of your results in life.  Even the little voice inside your head that’s whingeing right now says “but how?”- own that.

True responsibility is about owning your life. No one is making you stay in that shitty job. No one is forcing you to live a mediocre life. In the same vein, no one else is creating the opportunities that are appearing- that’s you.  

It’s time that we stopped acting like children and decide to take responsibility for our lives; for the wins and the lessons. It’s all yours.

Believing in yourself, backing yourself and  having great confidence begins when you decide to stop lying to yourself and own the fact that this is your life. Whether you like it or not, you got yourself here and it’s up to you to change it if it’s not working for you.

Get help, take ownership and start living life by your rules. Screw obedience, take responsibility.

Much love and happy self -loving

Katie Nicole
P.S Get your  FREE 5 Secrets to Bulletproof Confidence e-book here

Yeah Yeah, I'll do it later....

How many times have you said this? How many times has "I'll do it tomorrow" turned into " wow, I said I was gonna do that"? Have you ever looked back and remembered something you were going to do years ago that you kept saying tomorrow to and now a decade later, you realised that it still hasn't happened?

Procrastination.....the mean and ever persistent procrastination and its best friend self sabotage are commonly some of the most complaints that people have in life.

They know they want to learn that instrument, clean the house, lose weight, take up that sport, ask out that special someone or get that promotion yet they put it off time and time again. Even if they do get started they end up self sabotaging and the courage it took to get started dissipates and all that's left is disappointment in self- NOT VERY FUN!

So why on earth would we put off doing something that we know we want to do or is important to do? Most of the time, once it's done it seemed so easy and you wonder why you didn't take Nike's advice and JUST DO IT in the first place.

Well many people will say that you just need to do it- get off your arse and go do whatever you say you want to do; it's not always as easy as that.

Procrastination sets in for various different reasons and often leaves people feeling lazy, unmotivated and like crap about themselves and then of course the cycle continues; who's motivated when they feel like that?!

Here are some of the common reasons why we procrastinate:

1.) We are stretching our comfort zone
     - Back in the cave man day our lives were threatened almost daily. We had to run from predators, stay nourished and warm as well as fight for our place among our own species. So our brains developed to help us defend against threats. Whenever our safe zone was impended at all, our ego (or our MINI ME as I like to call it) would step and "save" us. It would tell us to run away, fight or hide in order to survive in the face of impending death.

That worked great for us in those days, now in a modern world, we here in lucky countries face 1st World problems that no longer threaten our lives on a daily basis. BUT, the mini me has not seemed to catch onto this. It still feels the need to protect us and keep us safe- and it does. It stops us from walking down a dark alley alone or walking in front of a bus, very useful things indeed.

However, these things don't happen very often so the mini me has found a way to keep its job- by making sure you never leave your safe zone. Whenever you are stretching your comfort zone, your mini me will pipe up and protect you, normally by telling you that it wont work or its not worth it, so you should just stay in your cave.

So procrastination sets in because you are having an internal battle with yourself and normally for most people, mini me wins! All you need to do is acknowledge it, treat it like a 5 yr old child. If you ignore a 5 year old, what does it do? It gets louder, and when you acknowlege it, it quitens down, for a little while at least. Thje more you do this, the more it will become your best friend. All you do is say thank you and carry on anyway, choosing to stretch that comfort zone.

2.) Not a big enough WHY
      - Its been said that if you have a big enough "why" the "how" will take care of itself. Have you ever been in a busy shopping centre or stuck in traffic and have been busting to use the bathroom? I bet that somehow you found a way to use a bathroom, no matter how far you had to go or to what lengths, you found a way to relieve yourself.

The why was HUGE! You found a way, the how didn't matter anymore because the why outweighed the details. For all you ladies out there, have you ever been busting and you know that you can probably only hold it for a couple more minutes and you finally find a way to the loo only to find that there is a line of 10 other ladies in front of you? Let me guess, you managed to hold it in until you hit that seat? Interesting....all of a sudden the why changed, the why became about not wetting your pants or having to find another loo. Your why became about holding on instead of going and somehow, you managed to do it.

So get a big enough why, if you are cleaning your house just because you have to then its less likey to happen. Where as if you are looking at why you are doing it, then you are more likely to do it. If you stay focussed on the detail and the how you will get tired before you even begin. Think about the end result and how you will feel afterwards.

3.) Not enough practice of action taking

     - Most people take little action on a daily basis. Sure they go to work and get their everyday stuff done, but how many people take massive action towards what they want to achieve each and every day? Not many.

SO get practising and start small if you need to. As soon as you think of doing something get up in that very moment and do something about it OR write it down and set a reminder if it's not possible in  that very moment. Take action on the thought immediatley- Maybe its a matter of going for a 3 minute walk or doing 10 pushups, but do it then and there when the thought comes to mind.

This takes practice so get moving on it.


Procrastination no longer needs to rule your life and if you are looking for some more insights please feel welcome to follow us on Facebook.

We are also running a competition at the moment so take some action NOW and message us on Facebook with 25 words or less about your procrastination and you could win a Clarity Hour (valued at over $300) to help get clear on your procrastination and bust through it for good!!


http://www.facebook.com/moreconfidence4u

Have a great week every body!