Talent without self-belief is useless

When gunning for a promotion, going after your dream partner, pursuing your dreams, applying for jobs or even simply navigating through life; too many of us assume that we need to have talent in order to move forward.

Sure, if you want to play professional sports, you’ll need a certain level of talent in order to even get a look in but even if you have all the talent in the world and you don’t believe in yourself, you will never reach the kind of heights that you are capable of.

Self-belief will trump talent in the long run. Those with self-belief will push harder, do what it takes and will always get back up when they’re knocked down. Plus, they get knocked down many more times than those who lack self-belief because they are constantly putting themselves out there.

The difference between the “self-believers” and the “non- believers” is pretty simply. Those that believe, think that they are already capable or they will always find a way to figure it out. Those that don’t will always find an excuse as to why it’s too hard and there are too many obstacles in place.

Self- believers see obstacles as a sign that they are getting closer, the more obstacles that are thrown their way, the more compelled they get to keep pushing forward.

As a reformed non- believer myself, I used to see obstacles as finish lines; they were there to “warn” me to turn back and to remain safe. If I ever did put myself out there and inevitably got knocked down, I took it to mean that the world is harsh and scary and I ought to get back into my little hole.

“The problem with our safe little holes is that we only attract more darkness when we are there. The hole will inevitably get smaller as our fear and doubt increase. We become locked in our own minds and feel stuck without a way out.”

Eventually something external happens, if you’re lucky it will be something small like a mild illness. If you’ve been ignoring all the alarm bells then you’re more likely to get a bigger wakeup call; death of a loved one, serious illness, eviction, divorce etc.

Life keeps teaching us the same lessons until we learn from it. The self-believers know this. They know that with each “failure” comes a valuable lesson and that if they learn from it, they will be even more resilient, powerful and their confidence will deepen.

Don’t let your own innate talent die inside of you. We all have talent; talent that is unique to each of us. No one speaks like you do, they can’t dance the way you do or parent the way you can. Yes, every one of us is unique just like everyone else and that’s what makes self-belief so critical.

Your light is waiting for you. Start to recognise that without self-belief you will forever be stuck, learn what you need to in order to change it and make a difference in your world.

Live the best version of you and become a self-believer!

Happy self-loving

Katie Nicole

I hate my body.......

…..but I wish I didn’t. I hate how scary it is to post a partial nude picture of myself on social media when the above statement is true.

I’ve been lying to myself, for years, for decades really. I’ve actually convinced myself that I love myself and my body, that I don’t care about what others think about me and I am proud of my body despite it not falling in line with societies “ideal” body.

Being someone that is confident, someone that has never really hid my body and someone who tends to make her friends feel comfortable about their own bodies by getting my kit off, I always assumed that I didn’t have any body image issues.

I’m a strong advocate of loving your body. As a confidence coach I am passionate about helping women to be comfortable in their own skin and I firmly believe that your body should be more about function that feature. I believe that we need to define our own sense of self worth and value irrelevant of our bodies.

I hear many people talk about beauty standards and defining your own. To me we are still focussed on being beautiful and not on being a person of value. Defining your own beauty or knowing that you are “beautiful” just the way you are, is still placing an enormous amount of value on what we look like, but I digress.

Writing now, I feel like I could spruik for a thousand years on how who you are and what you bring to the world should have far greater value than how you look. I’m angry at the media and social norms for teaching us that we need to be something that we are not and I disagree vehemently with the idea ( and delivery) of the objectification of women in the media.

I’m pissed because I believe in fucking it all off and rocking out to your own rhythm. I believe that everyone and every body has the right to feel attractive, worth while, sexy and valuable. I believe in all of this, I believe desperately in loving your self not matter what you look like.

Except I don’t. * Sigh* I don’t. I know all the above rant to be true or at least I wish it was. It’s complicated because I know it to be true yet I still hate my body. Deep down I hate it. I convince myself that I am proud of it but if I am brutally honest with myself, I think it’s shit.

I think it should look different in almost every way. It should be lighter, it should have less fat, a lot less. It should be shorter but not too short, it shouldn’t have wide thighs or a round, squishy stomach. It needs to have a gap between it’s thighs.  It should keep the large breasts that I adorn yet they should be firm and perky, not soft and tear dropped. My curves can stay yet they should really be more defined, I should have a slimmer waist and a firmer ass. My arms need toning because the tuck shop lady floppy bits are really not ok. My skin should be clearer. My teeth need to be whiter and straighter. My feet are too big, I have too much hair on my body in some places and it’s not thick enough in others. My eyes should be brighter, my nails more shapely. I should have less visible veins and more prominent features. Blurch!!!!

Absurd isn’t it? My veins are too big? What the actual fuck? Insanely enough, I could keep going.

If you’re exhausted by reading this, then know that I am too. For many of you, you probably have an even more extensive list.

I’ve been lying to myself. I do honestly believe that loving myself as I am is my given right and if we go a litter deeper we might even find that I do love my body (Ahh yes, all the contradictions!). You see I have no problem getting nude, in fact I think it’s awesome. I have no issues in sharing my curves and accentuating my shape. When I think about my body outside of the messed up messages and imagery I have received over my life, I actually think I’m pretty hot.

Here comes the but. I have realised that I feel ashamed for loving my body. I feel that being over weight means that I have no right to be comfortable in my own skin. Even when I’ve been lighter I have never thought it was ok to feel sexy or attractive or more importantly, of value. I’ve been brainwashed to believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with me; that I need to change myself somehow in order to get that little bit closer to perfection. I’ve been lied to that loving myself is not ok, nor should it be. In order to be accepted I must dislike my body and even better if I hate it and myself to boot.

It’s socially acceptable to talk about the bits we hate about ourselves, I have always been seen as a weirdo for accepting my body. I should be ashamed of my body, particularly if I am overweight. How dare I exercise regularly, drink plenty of water and eat good food most of the time, be overweight and be ok with that.

No matter what we look like we are taught to hate our bodies by the messaging splashed all over society. Everywhere you turn there is someone telling you to shape this, change that, enhance that, tone this down, get fitter, lose weight, be taller, improve this etc. What it’s ALL saying is that you are somehow not good enough the way you are and by buying (or buying into) the next big thing, then maybe you will be good enough, but unlikely.

I still struggle with this, being aware of it is only the beginning of the journey. I do love my body, coming to terms with the fact that the world thinks I should be ashamed of it is where my journey continues. Clearly I care more about what the world thinks of me that I have previously been ok to admit.

So here I am, just me and maybe what I really mean to say is; I care what others think of me and I wish I didn’t. I'm hoping this helps.