Talent without self-belief is useless

When gunning for a promotion, going after your dream partner, pursuing your dreams, applying for jobs or even simply navigating through life; too many of us assume that we need to have talent in order to move forward.

Sure, if you want to play professional sports, you’ll need a certain level of talent in order to even get a look in but even if you have all the talent in the world and you don’t believe in yourself, you will never reach the kind of heights that you are capable of.

Self-belief will trump talent in the long run. Those with self-belief will push harder, do what it takes and will always get back up when they’re knocked down. Plus, they get knocked down many more times than those who lack self-belief because they are constantly putting themselves out there.

The difference between the “self-believers” and the “non- believers” is pretty simply. Those that believe, think that they are already capable or they will always find a way to figure it out. Those that don’t will always find an excuse as to why it’s too hard and there are too many obstacles in place.

Self- believers see obstacles as a sign that they are getting closer, the more obstacles that are thrown their way, the more compelled they get to keep pushing forward.

As a reformed non- believer myself, I used to see obstacles as finish lines; they were there to “warn” me to turn back and to remain safe. If I ever did put myself out there and inevitably got knocked down, I took it to mean that the world is harsh and scary and I ought to get back into my little hole.

“The problem with our safe little holes is that we only attract more darkness when we are there. The hole will inevitably get smaller as our fear and doubt increase. We become locked in our own minds and feel stuck without a way out.”

Eventually something external happens, if you’re lucky it will be something small like a mild illness. If you’ve been ignoring all the alarm bells then you’re more likely to get a bigger wakeup call; death of a loved one, serious illness, eviction, divorce etc.

Life keeps teaching us the same lessons until we learn from it. The self-believers know this. They know that with each “failure” comes a valuable lesson and that if they learn from it, they will be even more resilient, powerful and their confidence will deepen.

Don’t let your own innate talent die inside of you. We all have talent; talent that is unique to each of us. No one speaks like you do, they can’t dance the way you do or parent the way you can. Yes, every one of us is unique just like everyone else and that’s what makes self-belief so critical.

Your light is waiting for you. Start to recognise that without self-belief you will forever be stuck, learn what you need to in order to change it and make a difference in your world.

Live the best version of you and become a self-believer!

Happy self-loving

Katie Nicole

Is a fear of failure holding you back?

As a child, I learnt that if you couldn’t do something right the first time, then there was no point doing it at all. As Homer says to Bart in an episode of the Simpsons after a failed attempt at a goal

“What’s the lesson here boy?  Never try”.

So I did just that, I stopped trying. If I knew that I could do it and be relatively successful at it, then I would give it a go. Things like peer support programs in school, drama and public speaking; I knew that I had a natural propensity towards these things so I did them more. I would confidently conquer activities and “challenges” that weren’t really a stretch for me.

I vehemently avoided things I wasn’t great at, for fear of looking stupid and failing. Even things that I really wanted to do like ice skating, I avoided so I didn’t have to fall and make a fool of myself.

It became an identity belief, the act of failing was not simply a behaviour but was a personality trait; a part of who I was. Failing = being a failure.

I trudged along like this for years, wondering why I felt so unfulfilled. To the outside world I was at times outrageous; skydiving, travelling the world alone, pursuing reality TV shows, moving interstate and talking easily to strangers. I displayed many characteristics of someone who was “out there” but the truth was that it was all within a comfort level I could handle.

The outcomes were predictable; they were open ended so that failure was not so obvious. These experiences rarely put me at risk of being a failure and as a result I was able to avoid what I really wanted to go after in life. I didn’t have to face the stark reality that I might not be good enough for what I really wanted.

Cue 2011; I fell in love with coaching and personal development. I began to learn that there is no failure only feedback, that if it (whatever it was) easy then everyone would be doing it, that you must fall down in order to learn how to get back up. These were all great sayings and intellectually I could rattle them off as philosophic meanderings; but I didn’t really believe it, deep down failing still meant that I was a failure.

Until as a 28 year old I decided to learn to roller skate, something that I had been scared to do my whole life. One of those things that I had desperately wanted to be able to do but was too terrified of looking like a knob. The coaching had propelled me to want to push myself, to really put myself out there and begin to put what I was learning into practice.

Clearly I really wanted to learn the lesson because not only did I embark on learning to roller skate but I decided I would play the all-female full contact sport of Roller Derby. I would have to learn how to run, jump, weave, skate backwards, turn from front to back, take a hit and give one all whilst skating within a 10 foot pack of 9 other skaters.

For years I cried- a lot! I fell down so many times that I was more familiar with the ground than the bottom of my skates. I broke both of my wrists in the first few months and had bi knee surgeries in years to come. Those first few years were both heaven and hell. I had to fall on repeat to learn how to turn around, to stop, to weave. 

Many a trainings I stood face to face with my partner with horrible thoughts going around in my head because I felt like such a failure. I couldn’t do it right away so therefore I was doomed.

I cried because I thought I would never improve. I cried because “everyone” was better than me or progressing faster. I cried because I broke bones. I cried because squatting for 2 hours hurts. I cried because I wanted it so badly that I had to face my own limits in order to overcome them.

With my partner as my coach, I kept getting up and at times I was literally getting knocked down by other people. I had to learn how to get up fast and move on even faster in fear that someone might hit me again. I became agile, resilient and conditioned to failing.

I soon found out that in order to learn the new skill, I would need to fuck it up sometimes hundreds of times before I got it right but when I finally did the thing, it was the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I had ever experienced.

Playing it safe all those years and fearing looking like an idiot had severely limited the depth of my life. I was unable to grow and my self-belief was in the shitter. I had never done anything that created any kind of reference points of success and as a result had nothing to work with.

I learnt how to skate, I learnt how to play roller derby but most importantly I learnt that:

“If you’re not falling over, then you’re not trying hard enough”

Get out there and fail. You only become a failure if you decide to take on that identity. Ultimately, success is the sum of tonnes of failures, each taking you a fraction of a step closer to your goals- without it; you’ll forever stay safe and unfulfilled.

Allow failure, adversity and pain to become your best friend and your greatest ally.

Love,  

Katie Nicole